i really feel like people's concepts of their own capability is so affected by the environment they're in and how they deal with it. how much control they feel they have. i guess i say this because with endo, i just hit a low where everything was so awful, i was in so much pain, missing so much school, so much work, i felt like i had no control. everything that came out of me was exhaustion, a rant, or tears. and this was AFTER surgery. then, all of the sudden, i started making slight changes. i started taking more vitamins, trying out herbal supplements. i started exercising more regularly. i tried yoga. i tried moxibustion. i gauged for myself what was and wasn't helpful. and you know what? i started to feel more in control of my body, and i started to feel a lot fucking better. i'm still trying to find a birth control that works for me, and i still have my lesser days, but i swear, it's been a 180. i swear, it's mental. it's what you believe you are capable of.
i'm not trying to say surgery and drugs don't work (i'm on them), or that i don't let the ads affect me (they do), i'm just saying there's a lot more to it than that. and seeing ads that put women down or pigeon-hole them just remind me of the interconnectedness i sense between these types of things. i give myself a little more time in a day, i nourish my body with rest and food, and voila. a 180. fuck, it didn't even cost anything.
i'll get off the soapbox now. i just needed somewhere to sound that out. 'cuz i'm motherfucking surviving.